My company, let’s call it “Alpha,” is holding a big 3-day offsite meeting chock full o’ training as we integrate the company we just bought (”Beta”) into our corporate maw. They’re flying everyone in North America here to Boston for the offsite. For some reason, though, they booked it during Passover. HR sent this email yesterday:

Hello Beta-ites and Alpha-ites, We know that some people attending the company-wide training the week of April 15th would also like to take part in observances of Passover. We have heard your concerns with the Passover conflicts and are planning to host a Seder on Wednesday, April 16th for those employees who are interested. If this affects you, and you would like to attend the Alpha Seder, please send your name with your contact information to [names omitted] who are coordinating the Alpha Seder. We know this is a difficult time to be away from your family, and we appreciate the sacrifice you are making to be with us. In lieu of being with your family, we think this is a wonderful alternative. Thank you and we welcome you to the Alpha family in Cambridge.

“Wonderful alternative”? I know if I was told by my company that I had to spend, say, Thanksgiving or Christmas at some corporate training, I’d be livid. Oh well.

Another thing that would suck if you kept Kosher: not being able to a Jucy Lucy down your craw.

And for dessert, why not a little superiority sundae sprinkled with jingoism jimmies? Be sure to read the mail bag; some good suggestions included Donald Rumsfeld Raisin, Orange Alert Sherbet, and Cherry Falwell.

I think I need to color my hair and pack. My flight to DC leaves tomorrow at the inhuman hour of 6:15 a.m.